The Long Road To Recovery: Stage One, Profile

First appeared on June 27th, 2005

"To understand the human mind, one must first understand the nature of absurdity"--Me(?) [Us], Maybe Some Magazine, or Guy, Stop Pestering Me [Us]

Name: Harm Shirks Itinerary Prank, Lieblingskartoffel

Male: Mail

Age: as ageless as the tides, assuming they are exactly 6,520.7 days old [Editor's Note: This is no longer entirely true, as the staff now only measures time in terms of Vedic "tihis." ]

Birthday: Roughly one month removed from the Autumnal Equinox

Occupation: King of Cascadia; Pope of Normandy; Ambassador (of? from?) France; Vice President, GSO; Alleged Prime Minister of Canada, Hutu-Blanko Nation; Cherished Potato

Interests: Psycho-babble, cherry-flavored Craisins, politics (ergo, lying), British History, Myself [Meaning, of course, the staffs' selves]

Disinterests: Not Myself, Unintelligence, Unintelligent People [Which is not to be confused with professional "Unintelligests"--a term derived from "unintelligible," which is defined as "being such that understanding or comprehension is difficult or impossible; incomprehensible," and not "unintelligent, " or "having or displaying a lack of intelligence." See also: "feltmation," "quotation marks."]

Political Affiliation: Social Democrat, Democratic Socialist, Sociocrat of Democracism

Religion: (Milquetoast) Lutheran

Bread or Lemons: Bread, toasted with butter

Lenin or Stalin: Lenin

Pop or Soda: Pop

Beat Reid Peterson Over the Head with a Lead Pipe: Yes [Addendum: preferably very hard, with considerable force applied to the foramen magnum.]

Apple Crumb Crisp or Apple Oatmeal Cinnamon Crisp: Depends

Pumpkin Has To Leave Now: Lest he decompose

Indoor Voices or Outdoor Voices: Indoor voices, but only because I [we] assume we're indoors. If not, feel free to use your outdoor voice. I [we], however, have integrity.

Mission Statement: To use this blog as an outlet for randomness that would otherwise be wasted on myself [our selves]. Endure at your own risk. St. Peter is overrated. [Untrue: St. Peter, credited with discovering the pyramids while simultaneously developing a cure for polio and leaking the infamous "Pentagon Papers," is a true American hero, and, if anything, is entirely underrated.]