The Long Road to Recovery: Stage Two, The Hilarious Political Satire

First appeared on July 10th, 2005

Potential Candidate: Mike Huckabee

Political Party: Republican

Occupation: Governor of Arkansas, Hog Farmer (note: due to a curious quirk in Arkansas state law, all elected officials are required to be, at least nominally, hog farmers. Also notable is that Bill Clinton, upon his promotion to the Presidency, bequeathed his hog farm to political strategist and animal husbandry enthusiast, George Stephanopoulos.)

Education: BA-- Ouachita Baptist University; MFA--Southwestern Baptist Seminary (an infamous "party"seminary)

Mike "Common Law" Huckabee, aged 50, began his political career in 1990, when he was elected Spittoon Inspector by the three and a half legal voters of Collum County. Earning a reputation for efficiency and cleanliness unheard of since the days of Wilk "Smokums" Carmicheal, the young Huckabee easily won re-election in 91 and 92, but stepped down in 93 to become the state's first literate Lieutenant Governor. The election marked a dramatic upswing for Republicans in that state, as they climbed over the scandalized and VD-ridden bodies of their Democratic counterparts in their efforts to dominate and devour the sweet, juicy plumb that is Arkansas state politics. As Lieutenant Governor, Huckabee is remembered for his victory over Coot Gudgins in a pie-eating contest as well as his insistence in keeping the capital city marginally incompetence-free. In 1996, he was sworn in as governor in order to fill the vacancy created when Governor Jim Guy "I Had Nothing to do with Whitewater" Tucker resigned for no apparent reason. Governor Huckabee maintained his staunch pro-voting, pro-issues, and pro-democracy positions, garnering high praise from his constituents and assuring him a full term in 1998 and re-election in 2002. As a presidential candidate, Mike Huckabee just might be the Republican to beat, as he has made few political gaffes during his tenure--aside from the occasional rapist-pardon or massive school district consolidation. It is unclear whether the Governor intends to run in 2008 or not--at least until one views the subversive material found in Fox Searchlight Pictures's 2004 release: "I Heart Huckabee's."

Disclaimer: (1) Counter to traditional journalistic technique, SiM has instituted the innovative new Bias-Fabricate Method of collecting and publishing campaign information. While the aforementioned procedure is invaluable in increasing convenience and reducing time spent in research, SiM cannot vouch for the accuracy of any or all data found in this post or any others.
(2) We have it from a very accurate authority that Mike Huckabee enjoys delicious bacon!
(http://www.newhorizons.org/strategies/arts/huckabee.htm)