Katrina: Introspective from a High Person

First Appeared on September 9th, 2005

what in the world with Katrina hurricane what the fuck man!!!!!!!!what the fuck. Ken Jennnings Jeenings the dainly Show Ken Jennings the hoset of Jeopardy is Aleck Trebac. Fadora im notg Italian isman the descendent of the apes??:??? fires of my soul whisper Rovert Gover Clevleand the only president to serve two non-consecutive terms washington adams jefferson madison monrow quincy adams jackson van buren harrison tyler polk taylor filmore Pierce Buchannan Lincoln Johnson Gran Hayes Garfield arthur cleveland harrison cleveland McKinley roosevelt taft wilson bull moose party second Linco=roosevelt harding cooledge hovver damn! cracker Roosevelt Fdr fucking rocks! So fuck it if he has Polio cripple is mean Truman crackers! banana oil Johnny Twenties the coach is ready sir Eisenhower Kennedy Johnson Nixon got fucking damn it's okay that's like German HE IS A CRIMINAL oh thats going to be funny! watch them laugh emoticons it;s like I think in the normal world word is the world the world revolves around that golden river that river of greed he sat in Tammany Hall dictating to his secretary They would purchase the Romanian vote for twenty dollars. Boss Tweed. Ford he was incompetent Arabian Horse Seller not my FEMA. Carter don't blame me, I voted for McGovern he was 1972 failed like in Primary colors any way he was actually fiscally relatively conservative and an infamous micro-manager. Reagan I have a nap speech they never laugh at that enough He sucked ass! Oh JEESH not Jesus I was going to right a movie about Tammany Hall but Martin Sorcessesce put Boss Tweed in the movie of his ha ha ha like Roger Ebert writes about his movies w does not go in movies oh shit I wrote an w instead of an s I'm sober like Jimmy fuck Parents! Shit. Okay any in movie. George Herbert Walker Bush suceeded success that's the way you spell success. He wasnt bad compared to his son Fuck! He is not awesome! William Jefferson Clinton I don't know why he was named after Jefferson he is a libertarian realy anyway he wasn't bad but he got a b.lue j.ay that's clever from Monica Lewinsky John Stuart condemned it but personal and government/professional don't go ogether need to remember for college on laptop, wrists can get in way of typing. But in 2000 Bush didn't win the election Gore/Lieberman won the elction. But Bush supposedly won the electoral college in Florida, because the fucking Supreme Court were Bastards too conservative. Bush now President so he lies to us about going to war for the wrong reasons I don's see and WMD!!!! So he caused Katrina Goodbye. That was my way of wrapping things up! See like Mike Nelson in Mind Over Matters a book of short essays his wife is named Bridget Jones but she is not the fictional character she is supposedly an actress I think I saw a credit for her on MST3K. Any way it is time for pizza I have to go shh!!! Like magic!

We Hire a Twelve Year Old To Ghost-Write a Shitty Sci-Fi Novel about Us...IN SPACE!

Ah, the awesome power of google. Our editorial comments below:
[Pictured: John Foster Dulles, United States Secretary of State and Captain of the USS Xerxes (Third Reich)]

"So what's the news, sir?"Captain Mark Pharris, Executive officer of the Union Cruiser USS Xerxes [The USS Xerxes? Have the Iranians won already? Why not try the USS Stalingrad or, better yet, the USS Third Reich.], stood next to his Captain [Why are there two Captains?] by the radio console on the bridge. Captain [How many fucking captains are on this ship?] Foster Dulles [Why not just make it the entire Eisenhower administration in space?] was busy reading the coded dispatch from CINC-SUNSFLT [Californian Industrial National Complex-Suck it, Utah/Nebraska, we're Shitfaced, Liberal, and Transexual]. He paused and looked at his XO.

"Mr Pharris, it would seem that our days of border patrol are over. I am to appoint a new Commodore [Commodore? Why, are the Spaniards trying to cross the channel again? A little out-dated, I feel. Try something cooler and spacey, like Rocket-Colonel.] to this battle group, and we are to take the Andalusa and join Admiral Lockswood in the third fleet. Apparantly the ESF [Environmental Space Fascists] has gotten out of his control despite the new flagship they gave him [There's your problem right there: the enemy gave him a flagship]. But that is of no concequence [That's the super-cool space-age spelling of "consequence"], because we are [Contractions are useless...IN SPACE!] abandoning this worthless border post. Frontline combat! Just think about the opportunities for salvage and plunder! [Plunder? Is he a pirate? If not, make him a pirate...with a cool metal eyepatch that can see through walls and shit.] We shall make our fortune yet! [Off of space-jewels, right? I hope there are space-jewels.] Come, tonight we dine with the fleet! [That doesn't seem feasible. My curiosity has been piqued!] Call the Captains together, and have the purser bring out some of that fine port [Also out-dated. Try "JoxXor's Tryrulian Space-Brandy."] we have been saving!"

"Yes Sir!" The old Captain walked to his chair and unhooked his mic [No, no, no. There aren't any microphones in space. Give everybody awesome two-way com-badges, or, even better, wrist-watches, that also shoot lasers...and stun-gas] from its cradle. He clicked it on as he adressed the ship. Pharris tapped the radioman [Spice up "Radioman's" character. Does he just operate a radio or does have sweet radiation space-powers? I'm leaning toward the radiation powers.] on his shoulder.

"Jackson, hail the other ships in the squadron, tell them the captains are all invited to dine with the Commodore. Formal attire, please." [Make sure "formal attire" is a velour, brightly-colored and ill-fitting jumpsuit]

"Aye aye, sir." Jackson smiled, knowing that good news for the ship was good news for the crew [How is it good news for the ship? Or--Ooh! Is it a talking ship? If not, make it a talking ship, with a really sarcastic sense of humor. You know, like if the captain gave it an order it could be like "Sure thing, O Mighty Space Master, shall I give you a sonic massage as well?" and shit. And the Captain could be like "Xerxes (Third Reich)!!" It could be his catch-phrase]. Two fifths of all prizes was theirs [Grammar is useless...IN SPACE!], and for a man living on sailor's wages, the bonus for a good capture was tremendous. He begain composeing [Those ESF bastards stole the words "began" and "composing," didn't they? Or is that "Futuro-Space Talk"? Flesh out Futuro-Space Talk.] the message while Pharris left the bridge, taking the lift down to the mess hall to speak with the purser about preparations for the banquet.

Discovered at http://www.ambrosiasw.com/forums/lofiversion/index.php/t32756.html. More installments to follow.